When we find that people love being at our gathering, but the change we are seeking doesn’t stick or land, a likely and common culprit is a lack of personalization.

These are the gatherings that are entertaining, but not engaging. We may enjoy it and find it fun, but it’s fleeting.

The key difference between entertaining and engaging someone is emotional involvement. 

Why emotional involvement matters

Yes, emotions. Feelings. The touchy feely stuff. Here we’re not only making people laugh but making them think and feel. Just like in our romantic lives, feelings help fuel a longer- term bond and connection. It’s the head and heart working together. In order for change to stick we need both. 

In fact, an audience wants both. They want to be emotionally invested. They want a reason to care even if they’re there by choice. This is why we watch movies to the end.

We’re bonded with the characters and care about what happens to them, especially if we connect to them personally. We cry and laugh because of our emotional connection, not because of the material alone. There’s something in the message that we recognize and relate to. And when we’re emotionally invested, we pay attention and don’t fast-forward or tune-out. The same can be true in our gatherings. 

Lest we believe emotions don’t belong in our gatherings or even in our workplace, rest assured they are there anyway. Learning comes with emotion, like a burger comes with fries. It’s just a part of the deal. Emotions are often in the front-seat driving most of our decisions anyway. This is not a suggestion to manufacture or manipulate tears however.

But a recognition that the showmanship of a great speaker we hire is not a suitable replacement for emotional involvement. Dialing up the fun is fine, but without feeling it’s just fluff. The sooner we invite emotion in will also invite a stronger connection between our message and those we want to share it with. 

That emotional connection begins with the gatherer. Much like a lesson in leadership, the gatherer who goes first gives everyone else permission to do the same.

Change initiatives need to engage the head and the heart

Despite what we know about emotions it’s common to see change initiatives that stay at the rational-only level. Mixing in emotion can seem a bit risky. That’s one reason why it’s easier to find safety in our slides. We can wonder, do we even want people to connect to us? If we do we need to be willing to give a little of ourselves. Give a little vulnerability and get a lot of connection in return.

There are signs of connection everywhere. You’ll be able to tell. It’s the audible “hmms” or the hurried jotting down of a phrase. Both of these acts hint and hit at something striking a chord. It’s not just because the message is interesting. We’re now interested. We’re not just entertained. We’re engaged. 

Personalized gatherings also leave space for people to find their own emotional connection.  We draw material closer to us when we are encouraged to use our own experience and share it. When we do so, the more we connect to not just the material but each other. In many ways that’s why we’re in the room together at the same time. To feel something. Together. 

The gatherings that stick with us make us feel something. Whereas details and facts stay in our short-term memory, its emotions that our long term memory hangs on to. As Maya Angelou famously said, people will forget what you said and did but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Personalized gatherings remind us that reaching as many people as we can misses the point. Whereas compliance may aim for how many, counting up sessions and number of people, the mark and measure of success should be how meaningful.

Lindsey Caplan is a screenwriter turned organizational psychologist who helps HR & business leaders create experiences that boost motivation, engagement, and performance

Say hello@gatheringeffect.com